the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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