oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
