So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
