Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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