he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
