You're so nebulous sometimes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
