We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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