Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
