Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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