I think scott just propositioned me for sex
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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