Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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