she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
