$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
