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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
