What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
