Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
