did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
