If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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