Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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