we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
