tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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