Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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