I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
