if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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