what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
