I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs