It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
