Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Semen is not good for contacts.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
