I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
