We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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