Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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