i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
