i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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