nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
