Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
