I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
