you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize