god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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