Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
