you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
