I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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