She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
