I hope mine doesn't look like that
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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