I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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