you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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