I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
