I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
