Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
