I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
