What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
