we're blogging at a bar
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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