My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
