Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
