I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
