well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
