she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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