His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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