yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
