omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
