Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
