Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
