Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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