Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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