I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
