It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
