Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
