I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's blow job season.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
