I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
