a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
