i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
