meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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