DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
