Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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