he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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