you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
