It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
