he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
