Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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