Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
