I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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