so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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