I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
