Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
