I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
