It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
