so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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