Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
