sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
