idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
