I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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